I was very outgoing, social and happy go lucky. Until I had Nate. I had always suffered with mild PND, following the birth of my second child 8 years ago, this seemed to trigger the depression in me that has stuck around ever since. I had always been able to manage and cope with this, using medication and my GP services.
However, when I was around 22 weeks pregnant with Nate, things took a turn for the worst. My mental health deteriorated extremely quickly and I found myself at the bottom of a depressive, anxiety-ridden pit that I thought i'd never make it out of. As I always do, I brushed my feelings under the carpet and carried on as normal. It wasn't long before my partner began to wonder and realised that something wasn't quite right. At this point, I visited the GP, who did the text book 'have some medication and be on your way' service. Anyone that suffers with poor mental health will know that this usually doesn't work, there's no 'magic pill.' However, at the time, both myself and my partner were very naive about the situation and didn't expect it to get much worse.
The weeks went on and it got worse, much worse. I began having psychotic episodes, I suffered with hyper vigilance and disassociation and physical anxiety symptoms in heart palpitations. These are all things I had no previous experience of, leaving me in the dark and feeling extremely vulnerable. It wasn't until I broke down at a routine midwife appointment that we realised I needed much more support. The midwife referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health team and this is when I met Nadean. I was nervous; I overthought and overthought the meeting before it took place and got myself in somewhat of a state. Nadean arrived and within minutes of her entering my home, I felt at ease. I rabbeted on and on for over an hour just spitting out words like verbal diarrhoea, I just needed to explain EVERYTHING. But she understood, for the first time ever I really felt like someone was listening. I continued to have weekly meeting with Nadean and felt relieved every time I would see her. She also took the time to have separate meetings with my partner. This really helped him to understand what I was going through, to express my views to him when I didn't want to talk and also to help 'normalise' the situation a bit more. My partner then had the tools to begin to catch the cues for my switch in mood and developed a great understanding of how to manage my mental health lows and helped the children to understand also. I also received some baby massage course with Joy whilst I was under the service. This was a great tool to help me bond with Nate and also another understanding listening ear to talk to.
When the peer group opened up, once again, I anticipated the worst and really had to force myself to step inside the room for the first time. Fortunately, both Nadean and Joy were there to welcome me. I have met so many amazing mums through the group and feel that these women are now all friends that I truly treasure. They are there. They listen. They make me feel at ease. They understand. I look forwards to Fridays every week now. No matter what the week throws at me, whether its good or bad, I know that I will be able to see the people that I view as a huge support base. Now that MIND are involved in the group, also, there is some structure and new professionals to support mine and my peers well being. This has really helped me as when I was discharged from the Perinatal Mental Health team, I felt a little lost although I was not needing to contact Nadean or Joy, they were there should I need to. And then Alison came along and she is my new Nadean! She is in my phonebook should I need her, and she meets with us at group every other Friday to support us.
I really don't know where I would be now without the services I have so much depended on for the last 14 months. I fear that I may not even be here at all. But right now, I'm slowly but surely making progress. And I have my partner Nathan, the Perinatal Mental Health team, MIND and my ladies at Fridays groups to thank for pulling me through. Whoever visits this page and reads my story, just know this, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long it may be. Sending virtual love, Ellie x
However, when I was around 22 weeks pregnant with Nate, things took a turn for the worst. My mental health deteriorated extremely quickly and I found myself at the bottom of a depressive, anxiety-ridden pit that I thought i'd never make it out of. As I always do, I brushed my feelings under the carpet and carried on as normal. It wasn't long before my partner began to wonder and realised that something wasn't quite right. At this point, I visited the GP, who did the text book 'have some medication and be on your way' service. Anyone that suffers with poor mental health will know that this usually doesn't work, there's no 'magic pill.' However, at the time, both myself and my partner were very naive about the situation and didn't expect it to get much worse.
The weeks went on and it got worse, much worse. I began having psychotic episodes, I suffered with hyper vigilance and disassociation and physical anxiety symptoms in heart palpitations. These are all things I had no previous experience of, leaving me in the dark and feeling extremely vulnerable. It wasn't until I broke down at a routine midwife appointment that we realised I needed much more support. The midwife referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health team and this is when I met Nadean. I was nervous; I overthought and overthought the meeting before it took place and got myself in somewhat of a state. Nadean arrived and within minutes of her entering my home, I felt at ease. I rabbeted on and on for over an hour just spitting out words like verbal diarrhoea, I just needed to explain EVERYTHING. But she understood, for the first time ever I really felt like someone was listening. I continued to have weekly meeting with Nadean and felt relieved every time I would see her. She also took the time to have separate meetings with my partner. This really helped him to understand what I was going through, to express my views to him when I didn't want to talk and also to help 'normalise' the situation a bit more. My partner then had the tools to begin to catch the cues for my switch in mood and developed a great understanding of how to manage my mental health lows and helped the children to understand also. I also received some baby massage course with Joy whilst I was under the service. This was a great tool to help me bond with Nate and also another understanding listening ear to talk to.
When the peer group opened up, once again, I anticipated the worst and really had to force myself to step inside the room for the first time. Fortunately, both Nadean and Joy were there to welcome me. I have met so many amazing mums through the group and feel that these women are now all friends that I truly treasure. They are there. They listen. They make me feel at ease. They understand. I look forwards to Fridays every week now. No matter what the week throws at me, whether its good or bad, I know that I will be able to see the people that I view as a huge support base. Now that MIND are involved in the group, also, there is some structure and new professionals to support mine and my peers well being. This has really helped me as when I was discharged from the Perinatal Mental Health team, I felt a little lost although I was not needing to contact Nadean or Joy, they were there should I need to. And then Alison came along and she is my new Nadean! She is in my phonebook should I need her, and she meets with us at group every other Friday to support us.
I really don't know where I would be now without the services I have so much depended on for the last 14 months. I fear that I may not even be here at all. But right now, I'm slowly but surely making progress. And I have my partner Nathan, the Perinatal Mental Health team, MIND and my ladies at Fridays groups to thank for pulling me through. Whoever visits this page and reads my story, just know this, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long it may be. Sending virtual love, Ellie x
